Make sure to download the newest episode of the pmaCAST: Looking Better, Shining Brighter Than You Do, featuring Four Tet, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The xx, Yeasayer, Department of Eagles, Hot Chip and more.
Judging montage, loads of dramatic footage, scary music, foot lights, and THIS… is American Idol!
Ryan welcomes us, taunts us with results and tells us that 47 million votes came in last night. We say hi to our judges (including Paula’s heaving bosoms who are begging to be released from their silky black prison), Simon tells us that everyone was great last night, and we’re off!
Time to show an altogether too cheesy to believe Ford commercial where the idols do a bunch of slow motion running in black and white (it’s like a low budget wedding video). I don’t have the energy to talk about it.
Ford is done insulting art, and here’s the group number: “I don’t mean a thing” and “I’ve got rhythm.” Allison kicks it off, walking slowly down the stairs, and Matt drops in after (still wearing his lame fadora). It picks up a bit and Kwak (best suggestion ever Evan) hits us with a solo… okay, they’re bouncing around all over now. Adam has some quirkiness, and Gokey opens his eyes really, really, really wide. The group number is actually good tonight for two reasons: 1) It’s gets better every week as we include fewer voices. 2) They followed the more solos, less group method.
Ryan welcomes us back and tells us a bit about the filler that is coming (3 guests tonight. Taylor Hicks, Jamie Foxx and Natalie Cole). He walks over to the contestants and we talk about Danny and Allison’s birthday party. They make cakes (and a huge mess) with a dash of camera mugging and a sprinkle of tomfoolery. Oh you silly geese… It’s so cute I wanna vomit.
We bring all 5 idols out center stage, and we start with:
Matt (who had a great time and felt emotionally connected): They stand him on the dark side of the moon, but give no result.
Gokey (says he focused on the comments, and mutters something about performance, equations, and performers): They send Gokey to the opposite side of the stage from Matt. Also no result.
Allison (“Was like, really? Okay. I took it all in… uh…” and Ryan cuts her stupidity off): Allison is sent to stand by Gokey on the near side of the stage.
Kwak (wouldn’t be here unless he thought he could win): He is sent to the dark side of the moon with Matt (okay, I’m confused on who’s gonna be the bottom 3?).
Adam (Who is kind of giant compared to shrimpy Seacrest… almost as if he could twist Ryan’s head off like a ketchup bottle’s lid if he so desired): Ryan asks which group Adam thinks he should be in… he hems and haws for a second and then says “based on last night, that one” and he joins Allison and Gokey.
Ryan grabs Adam and moves him to the dark side of the moon and declares Kris with a K, Matt, and Adam the bottom 3. BOOOOOOOM SUCKAHS!!!!!!!
We talk to the judges, who give us a few pleasantries, surprising thoughts, and an awkward oral sex joke, and we cut to break.
Natalie Cole is welcomed to the stage. She’s wearing a goldy toga thing that looks nice, and boy does she has thin legs! She sounds less produced than so many artists these days, and it’s pretty cool. I like the jazziness she brings to this show (despite the semi disaster that is the last 12 bars of the song).
Before we get to results we have to… er… get to hear Taylor Hicks (who, from the looks of it, celebrated his 58th birthday this year). He’s a good singer, but the Hickville always kind of drove me nuts, and he still does… I know people like this kind of music, but I’m not one of those people (ie, I don’t own a shed, a goat, or a swamp boat). Fast forward!
We bring all of the bottom 3 back to center stage and Ryan says he’s gonna send one to safety. It, IS…
KWAK!!! (Saw that coming… now they’re gonna tease us by keeping Adam up there)
Before we get the final, final result we get J. Foxx who is having his auto tuner sing “Blame It.” Like I said, I like Jamie Foxx, and this is a catchy tune, but with that AT going I can’t say anything about his singing… especially since it keeps singing when he takes his mouth away from the mic. He’s basically wandering around the stage pointing at people in the audience while his DJ pretends to spin some records. Whatevs.
We’re back and we’re filling time before releasing Matt back into the wild. We have Matt and Adam standing center stage and here we go. After 47 million votes… Adam… is…
Adam: SAFE!
Matt: Gone. Yeah, I think we pretty well saw that coming. I am a little shocked to see Adam and Kwak in the bottom 3. One would have been about right, but both? That’s a little crazy.
And that’s it for this week’s show. What do you guys think about this? I imagine not much since Matt was clearly the weakest link in the top 5. Next week is gonna be a joke though. How are they going to kick one of those 4 out?
Follow me on Twitter and find out what I’m listening to throughout the day.
Tags: American Idol
I thought we’d all given up posting about AI. Glad someone else is still sharing my guilty pleasure.
I think the Adam thing was a gimmick to ensure he gets more votes in the future, since they didn’t actually say he was in the bottom two.
Ps. I personally love Adam, like Allison and Kris, but can’t stand Danny.
Yo, it so should’ve been Danny and Adam as the top 2. Like the poster above, I don’t like Danny — each week I wish he would get cut — but he was amazing this week.