Naked Miley Cyrus is Satan’s Favorite Pied Piper Slut!

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NATIONAL CHRISTIAN FAMILY ACTION ALERT!

From Prophetess Debbie, An Anointed Messenger of the Christ:

The Lord has blessed me with the gift of prophesy. Sometimes this is a wonderful, joyful gift; other times, it makes me weep the tears of the righteous for the woes of the lost.

The Lord Jesus appeared to me this morning while I was bathing and told me something that shocked me:  “Did you know that the teenage vixen Miley Cyrus just this morning led over 100,000 innocent young girls to the groin of Satan?”

When I told Him I would pray for her, my Savior told me that it is too late for her, but that it was NOT too late to save the some of the girls Miley Cyrus is leading to Hell! But we have to act NOW!

Signs Your Precious Teenage Daughter is Becoming a Cyrus Slut:

1. She sings songs about “making it” with old men (worst example: “Life’s What You Make It — So Make It!”)

FACT: 78.7% of all Miley Cyrus / Hannah Montana songs are secretly about oral sex, something revealed at “live” (according to Jesus: “lipsynched”) concerts where the 16 year-old singer uses her microphone in a lewd and grossly inappropriate manner.

2. She thinks she becomes totally unrecognizable to you when she puts on a blond wig and can sin up a storm with no repercussions.

FACT: 65.4% of all children who watch Hannah Montana are caught shoplifting within 24 hours because they think no one recognizes them.

3. She develops an “alter-ego” and you catch this “alter-ego” servicing your hubby or other men in the cul-de-sac. When confronted, your daughter denies that it was her.

FACT: 86.04% of girls between the ages of 8 and 13 are liars and see their mothers as competitors for their father’s inappropriate touches.

4. Your shower curtain is missing and you find the rod has been used as a makeshift stripper pole in the basement.

FACT: 74% of all professional strippers started at home entertaining fathers, uncles and neighbors to win candy bars and Abercrombie & Fitch gift cards.

5. When you try to correct or discipline your precious girl, she snaps at you, screaming awful things like “I’m YOUR meal ticket, you [INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE] has-been!”

FACT: 47% of all young girls in America spend at least 1.5 hours a day thinking they are Hannah Montana and that it is therefore A-OK to talk “sassy” to adults.

6. The commode in her little bathroom is constantly getting clogged with used condoms.

FACT: 92.7% of all girls under 18 who buy condoms wind up with AIDS anyway.

If you see ANY of these signs — ANY of them — or your daughter is just acting downright saucy, call a Pastor and 911. There is no time to fool around with “talk” and “time outs.” If you don’t act immediately to get Satan OUT of your house and your daughter’s thoughts and underpants, she will be lost and become a dirty, filthy, nasty, slut like Miley Cyrus. Mothers: Don’t let that happen! Too many girls have been lost to whoredom already!

This was too hilarious to not repost. Props to Randi for sending me to me.

Umm… thoughts?

Cut Copy – So Haunted (Knightlife’s Sun-Soaked Reprise)
The Virgins – Rich Girls (The Twelves Remix)
Franz Ferdinand – Ulysses (Mr Vega Extended Remix)
Kings Of Leon – Knocked Up (Lykke Li vs. Rodeo Remix)
Britney Spears VS Department of Eagles – No One Womanizes Like You (The Hood Internet Mash Up)
Jay Z – 99 Problems (Samantha Ronson Remix)

by Luis Tovar on December 11, 2008 ‡ 2 reactions