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Wow. Can anyone else believe that we are finally here? The final 3 are here, and it’s time for us to see what happens when the rubber hits the road.
We start with a The Night of the Museum sketch about the American Idol desk. Cross marketing at its finest! This season has seen a dramatic increase in product placement hasn’t it? Still, this is funnier and less idiotic than the Ford music video, so whatevs… um… I guess that this… is american idol?
Ryan comes marching down the stairs in the same suit and tells us that 88 million votes raged in last night. He also tells us that there were only 1 million votes separating the top two tonight. We see the judges (Randy is wearing his Mr. Narwall sweater again, and Paula looks like she just stepped out of a French whore house) and we’re off!
I’m ignoring the music-video-which-shall-not-be-named tonight. It’s lame.
We welcome Alesha Keys who is sharing information about children, Africa, and aids. A kid named Noah comes out and sings a song for us. Clearly he’s excited, and he’s all over the place. It’s nice when A.I. does stuff like this.
We start off by dragging Gokey down to the stage alone. Seacrest talks about Milwaukee (which is pronounced “mill-e-wah-que” which is Algonquin for “the good land.”) and Gokey’s true love… Jamar. We then see Milwaukee and are treated to some Jamar hugs, women crying, and teenagers running down the street. We hit a parade, see all the back woodsman (who have brought their kids to see the Gokester), and we head back to the theatre. Ryan pretends like he’s going to tell Gokey results, but he doesn’t and he sends him to take a seat on the couch.
Kris with a K is brought up next, and we see Arkansas. We see loads of kids, private jets, and Kris visiting everyone that exists in this entire state (which turns out to be a quadzillion teenage girls). He goes to his parent’s house and we see the entire neighborhood’s extended family. Although, if this is his family then that’s impressive. He hugs his pop for about 3 days, and we go to another concert for teenagers. Kris strums his guitar, everyone falls in love all over again (including Luis Tovar), and we’re on to the parade. Yay. Ryan begins to tell Kwak the results, but ultimately sits him down on the couch too.
Here’s Jordin Sparks who is incidentally wearing an ugly black ring the size of a baseball on her hand. She sings a boring song that I forward through.
Adam is next to be marched to the stage, and he has weird white things coming out of his jacket. Ryan asks about going home (which is San Diego), and (allegedly) it was “wild.” Well, if your idea of wild is the morning news where Adam does eye liner, then BUCKLE UP! IT’S OFF THE CHAIN CRAZY!! Easy does it Adam!! We talk to kids, see old ladies embarrass themselves by staring in Adam’s limo, and we even see a marching band! It just gets crazier and crazier in San Di-Ago. Ryan again pretends like he’s gonna give some results out, but ultimately doesn’t. He sits him down on the stage to wait to find out.
Katy Perry is here, and she’s wearing an Elvis cape with Adam Lambert stitched on the back (between Simon’s pandering for Lambert votes last night, and this Katy stitching business, idol is laying it on a little thick. We get it… you want Adam to win). She goes on to wander around looking bored, pseudo-flipping off the crowd, and letting her buggy eyes roll around in her fluffy little head. She kind of looks like the pop version of Karen-O, no?
We’re finally here, it’s results time, and we dim the lights. Ryan kicks things off and tells us that… Kris with a K is safe. So, who is going home? Gokey. Adam is safe. Well, this is the dream match up for American Idol. The producers are STOKED, and really, so am I. This is how it should be and I think most people will be satisfied with this outcome.
So, our final two are Adam and Kwak. I like it. I mean, I think Adam has a better voice, but Kwak has a serious marketability that will appeal to all audiences. It’s gonna be interesting, that’s for sure.
What do you guys think? Who’s gonna blow the lid off of this thing? Only time will tell… and by time, I mean Ryan Seacrest.
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Tags: American Idol
I didn’t like Jordan Sparks’ or Katy Perry’s (or Noah’s, for that matter,) songs last night but you gotta give it to Jordan Sparks. She looked GREAT! It’s amazing the change the Hollywood machine puts you through. She’s lost weight, had great hair — actually looked like a star instead of the nice, chubby girl next door. But her song was SO. LAME.
Gokey, I love you but your time was up. Next week will be good. I like both Kwak and Adam.
And, btw, I LOVE it when the contestants visit their hometowns. Probably my favorite part of the whole season.
I’d like to think that Katy’s plug was actually a massive, subversive project that she kept a secret until she went on stage. I imagine she even had a twin cape made WITHOUT the name for dress rehearsal – so everything looked honkey-dorey andthenBAM! STITCHGATE.
I am torn about who I think should win (not to be confused with “who I want to win”). They are both wildly talented. They will both have wildly successful, yet DIFFERENT careers. But gosh darn it those boys can sing!
I agree with Evan. This is going to be the most interesting finale since… the show started, really. Well, I enjoyed the Carrie vs. Bo and the Jordin vs. Blake finales, but this is the first time that we’ve had two musically interesting contestants go head to head. This should make for some great TV.