The Teal Album by Weezer

Weezer has spent a decade becoming more interesting to read about than listen to.
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Do you think Rivers even knows if he is joking anymore? Must have been around the time he wore a cowboy hat on the cover of his record or maybe when he let Dwight Schrute name his new album? I don’t know, but he is so steeped in irony that he probably thinks this paragraph is a compliment.

The Teal Album sounds like an idea it would be easy to erase off the white board at a 9am Atlantic Records brainstorm. What’s even the point any more? There is an obvious self-awareness here. Meme-core, Twitter-induced, mindfully silly dad rock fans rejoice? For an album with both a Eurythmics cover AND a Black Sabbath cover it’s a surprisingly listenable, albeit pointless entry in their discography, Weezer has spent a decade becoming more interesting to read about than listen to.

I will say though, that if you had the cheapest room on a Caribbean Cruise that ran out of gas in the gulf this would make a GREAT soundtrack to your misery. “No Scrubs” and the cover of “Take On Me” are about as throwaway as you would expect although the latter contains a delightful falsetto from Mr. Cuomo. “Happy Together” is painful in its color by numbers simplicity, the chorus pops, but who really cares? That may sound mellow dramatic, you might be thinking – Ok, great another Pinkerton head who hates modern Weezer.

You might have me pegged as a Leslie Jones purist. You would be right to a certain extent – except that 2014’s Everything Will Be Alright In the End and 2016’s The White Album were late career renaissance pieces. They were nostalgic but still modern. They were nearly perfect. After Raditude they were pure magic, infinitely better than could be expected. I am not pre-disposed to hating this record.

There are a few successes here – the Black Sabbath cover is fun and is the track here that most represents what seemingly originally influenced young Rivers to put a Kiss poster on his wall and write “In the Garage”. “Mr. Blue Sky” is the best track here, it floats and just sounds fun in the same way the White Album did. (Weezer’s not the Beatles’)

But like, I mean, everyone could rate “Weezer 80’s Cover Record” without even hearing it, right? Like you knew what you thought before you hit play and then almost immediately forgot this existed right?

But at some level, I hope Weezer doubles down again. Why not? Make a 90’s record, a 00’s record. Make a full cover of Ok Computer and then tell a magazine you did it because Radiohead is underrated. Go on tour with Creed. What do we still have that you haven’t already taken away, Rivers?